Maikaʻi

I’m pretty successful.”

Those are the words that I’ve never thought I would tell myself as my best friend took the picture above. We were watching the Garden Rhapsody which was a light and sound show at Gardens by The Bay, Singapore. I smiled watching the show thinking to myself, this is what life is. It is to be content, happy, grateful and thankful for everything that I have.

People measure success in monetary terms. As I grew up, I learned that if you’re truly happy, content and thankful for everything that you have, that itself is success. And if you’re passionate about something, there’s never a day in your life that you’ll ever be upset again. If you measure success in monetary value, someone is able to take that away from you. I learned to celebrate the little joys and to be grateful for the day. I’m still learning not to vicious to myself, like stop beating myself up too hard. I’d like to think that you’re rich when your heart is full of love and kindness. If you’re honestly happy, you shouldn’t care what people think or say about you.

I won’t lie and tell you that every day is perfect to me. There are days where I do find it difficult to go on but I tend to take a step back and be grateful for the day. Be happy of the little blessings ; be it for the weather or for the fact that your heart is beating strongly. I won’t admit that I’m always okay because it takes time for growth and I’m still growing ; mentally and emotionally. But I’ve come to learn to be proud of myself. And I’m so thankful for all the people that have always made my heart so full.

A little advice?

Do you. Be you. Be proud of who you are and how far you’ve come. Be kind and love wholeheartedly. Be thankful for what you have and be content. Always thrive and never give up. Always know that you got this.

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Enough

Ho Chi Minh City Museum of Fine Arts (27 April 2017)


‘e·nough’

One word that not many of us tell ourselves. I know I haven’t been updating this space much and some of you might think I’ve gotten too busy with my life that I no longer write. That’s not the case. The real reason is that I’ve been having difficulties penning down my cluttered thoughts and I haven’t been getting much sleep to begin with. It doesn’t even help that my body crashed multiple of times which explains the sore throat, pounding fevers etc. So it brings me back to typing this very post right now as I sit here hoping this cup of camomile tea will aid with my sleep tonight.

I have people telling me that my words have inspired them but honestly, I’m not perfect. One of the hardest thing I struggle with is telling myself that I am enough. Not the kind of ‘enough’ that people expect me to be but more so of the kind of ‘enough’ that I know I am. They say that you are your harshest judge and I really am very harsh with myself.

People can tell you that you’re beautiful 100 times a day and if you still don’t believe it, that is the worst. So every day, I do something called “My Little Daily Enoughs” which is something I tell myself at the end of the day. Here are some of my few :

  1. You’ve done enough for today. You did your best in these 24 hours and the next 24 hours are for you to do more
  2. To someone, you’re beautiful enough.
  3. You are enough.

Everyone has their own definitions and versions of ‘being enough’. What I learned is that your flaws are stitched with good intentions. What I also learned is that you should look at the person that loves you the most and try putting yourself in that person’s shoes to see what you look like in their eyes. I do that sometimes with my mum. I do wonder what it is like for her to love such a difficult emotionally wrecked up daughter like me and not a day in my entire life where she complains and dreads about loving me. Bit by bit, I learn to love myself because of how my mother loves me.

If your partner is having a tough time loving himself/herself, do me a favour but love that person more because everyone deserves to end the day knowing that he/she is more than enough. Take it from a person who went to different countries & states just to slowly mend herself with whatever ability and skills she bears. It wasn’t a pretty sight because I was scared to the point where I would cry, waiting in the train to arrive, for I couldn’t hold myself together any longer. Here’s something to remember, if there comes a split second of the day where your insecurities got the better side of you, take a deep breath and feel your heart beating for a bit.

The heart that pumps life to your soul and every part of your living being ; it is doing more than enough for you. I know it’s easier said than done because the brain does have the loudest voice when it comes to things. What is important is that at the end of every day you know that you’re still breathing, that itself is a victory of its own. Small victories which are better than nothing at all. Remember, you really are enough ❤️

 

Hurricane 

“The year is coming to an end. What are you thankful for? And what have you learned?”

Those were the questions I asked myself. I placed 3 fingers from my right hand on my left wrist. I felt the constant beating of my pulse. It was then I knew I was thankful for my heart. After all it has been through, I’m still thank the fact that it’s giving this body of mine life and have mended the soul within me. I can conclude that 2016 was a year that taught me 2 things :

  1. The importance of self love and self growth
  2. To believe in yourself

I’ve lost people whom I once called ‘friends’ and my cork board that was once filled with polaroids of smiles ; I took some down and replaced them with new ones with different people with different smiles. Remembering everything that has happened in 2016, it was a year that had been filled with tears, heart break, hugs, laughter and love. I did do my fair share of traveling. I’m still in the midst of learning to love myself. I’m not going to lie but I still reminisce about what Victoria, Australia have taught me in summer 2015, for I did leave a part of me there. I came home thinking 2016 is going to be the year of my life. Half way through, I stumbled and fell. Sure, I had that night where I broke down and cried myself to sleep in my hotel room by the beach. I had that morning where I woke up and wish my heart was numb so I didn’t have to feel the pain for a while. I had that afternoon where I reminded myself constantly not to lose composure. And I had that evening where I did lose my composure. The hurricane moments, I called it.

But you know that idiom that goes ‘The calm after a storm’? Well I know what that feels like. After those amalgamations of hurricane moments, it is then you will find yourself calm and it is as if something inside of you just patched everything up. But to survive those hurricane moments? It takes patience, kindness, gentleness, love and strength. No everyone pulls through those moments coming out the same and some don’t even make it out alive from their hurricane moments. In 2016, I’ve had those moments where close friends and family held me in their arms and told me that I could do it ; that I have strength in me to pick myself back up again. Reading back my 2016 resolutions, I can now safely conclude that I’ve done all of them. This year, I’ve loved unconditionally and I will love unconditionally next year too. I’ve been brave enough to cut off negative people from my life. I learned that I’m not my own enemy and I have inspired people this year.

So for 2017, I will continue doing all these. I’ve written down my resolutions so here they are :

  1. The human heart has a way of making itself large again even after it’s been broken into a million pieces. – Robert James Waller, The Bridges of Madison CountySpend the next one year by loving unconditionally, especially yourself as well as treat others the same way you want to be treated.
  2. Invest time in yourself. On improving yourself. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it means being uncomfortable.The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested — and your personal growth realized. – Katie Couric- I want to become a better person physically and mentally.
  3. Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body. – Joseph AddisionIt’s time to broaden my circle of knowledge more.
  4. Don’t be too hard on yourselfSpending the next 365 days to try not to be my own enemy.
  5. God often removes a person from your life for your protection.2016 taught me this and in 2017, I’ll constantly remind myself that I deserve better. Surround myself with people who possess the ability to calm me with their presence alone. Be around the people that encourages my self growth and support my passion & goals.
  6. “Art is to console those who are broken by life” – Vincent Van Gogh – 2017 is going to be a year where I focus on art (writing, literature etc.)
  7. Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.I will hustle and build my career. I’m going to work for the results that I want!
  8. Never quit inspiring people.I did it in 2016 and I will continue doing it.
  9. Forgive more.
  10. “Be yourself, be comfortable with yourself – It’s authenticity that’s compelling.” – Rochelle ‘Shelly’ Lazarus, Chairman Emeritus, Ogilvy & Mather.
  11. Eat clean & exercise moreOkay this is going to be difficult but..it isn’t impossible.
  12. Remember, you got this.

12 resolutions to do. They’re not very specific nor are they much. But the next 12 months with its 52 weeks and 365 days are going to be a lot of work. It’s going to a selfish year where I’ll focus on myself. 2016 has been insane but every night before I fall asleep, I am thankful and grateful for all that I have. 2017, I’m ready for you. Let’s see what you’ve got installed for me.

My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure

Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

 

 

 

All visuals and words belong to Win W.™ unless stated otherwise.