Transpire.

“The polaroid of you and I slipped out my purse. I completely forgotten that it was there. I picked it up and I smiled at it. There was no longer that bitterness in me.

I remember driving pass the spot where you once planted a kiss on my forehead. It was the night where you were so afraid to love me but you knew still said it anyways because all you wanted to do then was to love me. I remember how we sang our favorite song in public even though we both know we’re horrible singers. I remember our fights and the first time you cried in front of me. You told me you’ve never cried in front of anyone before but you did when you realized you were about to lose me. I remember holding you in my arms while you cried and begged me to stay. I stayed with you and I loved you more than I’ve loved any other person in my life. I remember giving you my heart. I still remember that night when you told me over the phone where you no longer wanted me. I tried to beg for you to stay but you said no.

I destroyed myself in loving you ; by giving all of my fragile heart to you. I fell apart. I remember the night where I stood in front of the mirror and I really couldn’t recognize the broken soul staring back at me. That horrible night that I was so afraid of falling asleep. It was that night my breaths were like as if I was gasping for air. I began wondering what’s wrong with me that I keep getting my heart broken. I remember how hard it was telling myself not to break down in public. I remember running to my car and losing all composure. It was as if my heart was so empty. The multiple of times I broke down. All the mornings I woke up missing you terribly that it literally ached. All the times where I muster the courage to hope you find someone else that would love you as much as I did ; someone that would calm the anger and hatred in you. Someone whose arms you’ll make your home in.

Then, I remember…I remember that morning I woke up where the pain no long stung anymore. I no longer miss you. I saw you on a Wednesday where you were out with someone new. I wasn’t bitter but instead, I smiled looking from afar knowing that the other person will love you. I lost you and it taught me what it was like to love.  I made peace with the pain. I forgave myself and I began loving myself more. I learned, even though it was a hellish struggle. I loved and I learned. Now, the thought of you no longer lingers in my mind. I no longer need you. I hoisted myself back up and stood on my own two shaky legs. I now no longer have the fear for love. I found myself. It took time and it really felt forever but I made it. I actually made it. out alive and this time, I’ve become a better me. Thank you for showing me that I am able to love myself without you.

So goodbye. Goodbye to all you.

– Here’s  to loving again.”

All visuals and words belong to Win W.™ unless stated otherwise.

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