My university classmate messaged me last week and told me something that I never expected :
I wasn’t close to her and we’re just mere friends. She texted me asking where I got my scuba diving license from and when I realized that she wanted to be like me…I was touched. I wanted to ask her “Why me though?” then I realized that I was the one that she could relate to seeing that I no longer have a boyfriend and I go on all these adventures. She wanted to be as happy as I am. Steph, if you’re reading this, I have my moments where I would break down and cry but it was the thought of ‘Hey Winnie, you got this!’ that keeps me going. I’m glad you spoke to me and thank you for allowing me to strengthen the courage in you to do what you want to do. Go be happy, Steph! You deserve it! ♥
2015 was a rough year and part of 2016 was hell for me too. Friends and family saw me fell apart this year where I no longer knew how to mend myself anymore. The only thing I knew what to do was to pack my little back pack into the car and escape for a little while. 35 days in Melbourne in December 2015 to January 2016 taught me one important thing :
This year when I fell apart and hit more than just rock bottom, I went away for a little while alone. Falling apart was the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me even though I am only 22 years old. I was too busy loving everyone else around me that I forgotten what it’s like to love myself. Truthfully, I gave all the love I have within me and there wasn’t anything left for me. So out of fear and desperation (mostly desperation), I traveled alone.
People don’t see the tranquility into traveling alone and this was what I learned when I was on the beach in Melbourne last year. Traveling alone doesn’t make you a loner. In fact, you get to love yourself even more because this time…you actually have the time to do so. Slowly, I picked myself back up and I did what I love without the fear of wondering what others taught of me.
Diving, doing back flip somersaults off the boat, blasting music in the car and singing horribly, surfing, skateboarding, running, swimming, painting, drawing, writing, driving aimlessly, reading, jumping on hotel beds, burying myself in fluffy white hotel pillows, praying when I feel alone….the list goes on. These are the little things I did ; I began loving myself. I even wrote on the bathroom mirror of a hotel with the 3 most powerful words : “You are enough.”
3 words, in my pink L’Oreal lipstick ; were all that I needed on that Saturday morning when I felt insecure with myself. I kept myself busy with work and doing what I love. I cut out negative people in my life and only kept the precious ones. Then, I was told this by a friend :
“Win, it’s your time now. It’s time to do you, baby girl. Don’t worry about me or your other friends. I’m sure we’re all doing fine. You’ve been there for us all these years and time. So it’s time for us to be there for you. Go do you, baby girl. Go be happy. Keep slaying in life. If you do find yourself crying, you have us. You have your family too. I really do believe that some day, when a man loves you, he’ll be the luckiest person alive. For now, don’t stop being you. Someone will love you for who you are. Thank you for showing me that I no longer have to be afraid of being myself. ”
And I honestly did what I love and what makes me happy. I became even more grateful with how life has been treating me. I enjoy my job too! I told my parents how blessed I’ve been. If I have one thing to tell you, dear reader, is that sometimes we’re so fixated on the bad things in life, we forget about the little happy things. Treat people like how you want to be treated. Be kind to people and be gentle with yourself. Give love and learn to forgive the ones who have done you wrong. Believe me when I say this as I’ve hit the solid ground of hell’s rock bottom where I gave up on myself. I urge you to do what makes you feel sane and calm again, even if it means getting a cup of hot chocolate or showering. Do it. Loving yourself isn’t horrible ; for you, are beautifully flawed stitched together with good intentions. Loving yourself isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s bravest thing you could ever do.
So, love yourself in ways only you know how because at the end of the day, you’ve only got you. If you’re ever in doubt, just look at me. I’m your living proof that you don’t have to fear about being yourself and that you can love yourself.
All visuals and words belong to Win W.™ unless stated otherwise.