Forgive, always.

With a shaking voice and trying the hardest to hold back tears,

“I forgive because I want that peace with myself. I forgive because despite all the hurt  and pain that they’ve caused me, I choose to believe that people still deserves forgiveness. I forgive because even though I’m still fixing these wounds, it’s the only thing I need. No, I’m not okay because my friends are no longer my friends. I’m not okay but you know what? I’m going to do it anyway. I’m going to forgive. I’m going to inspire. Last weekend, a girl I’ve evaluated once whose name I don’t even know came up to me and told me I’ve inspired her. It wasn’t much but her words were all I need because the whole entire day, all I wanted to just do is cry. Yes, I’ve been breaking down less but on days where I do break down or when I catch myself smiling sadly at the things that shouldn’t matter anymore, it’s hard. I mean, yeah I’m glad he dating again and I’m happy that my friends are happy. I’m glad that they’re all happy because everyone deserves happiness.

I’m doing my own things and focusing on myself. And they’re doing their own things. I forgive because people forgave me too and everyone deserves some kindness in their lives. They say the kindest people are broken and yeah it’s because we know what it’s like to be broken so we would be kind and gentle to people. It is the hardest thing to do. To forgive and to tell yourself ‘I got this. It will be okay’ when there is a little part of you knows that it’s not exactly okay. But then again, I tell myself that no one actually told me that it would be easy. At some point you have to gentle with yourself and forgiveness is a personal thing. Do you know how tiring it is to hold a grudge and be angry at people? It consumes so much energy and time.

So take it from someone who had let her heart stomped on and have hit the rock bottom of rock bottom. Forgive ; Always. Always.”

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