2 AM Thoughts

“2 AM thoughts are where your insecurities strike leaving you thinking maybe you’re not good enough for anyone at all. You begin to wonder whether you’re enough for someone to invest effort in or not. It’s where your inner monster begins unleashing itself.

You know how scary insecurities can be? It is when you’re awake at 2 in the morning, doing your best trying to keep it together, where for a split second you see something that made you feel small and inferior, you lose it. You hyperventilate so much that it’s almost as if it’s going to be panic attack. Your heart races and not in the good kind of way. You’re hyperventilating so much that it makes your dizzy. Insecurities are like parasites that eat you alive. They’re not that easily killed. After you’re done trying to gasp for air, that’s where you slowly break down and damn…it’s not the kind of where you just cry your eyes.

You choke on your tears, your hands shakes and you’re scared. 2 am is where you find yourself crawling under the bed and you’re hugging your knees as if that’s the safest place on earth the could protect you. And that is when your monster comes attack you because you’re at your most vulnerable stage. Of course after you’re done crying, everything will mellow down but it’ll feel like hours of excruciating mental pain that if someone were to hold you in that moment, your red, teary eyes will look at the person in so much fear that you’ll be begging for that person to make it stop.

Insecurities can be really bad because literally anything can trigger it. I personally feel that is the most shittiest thing for someone to bring up another person’s insecurities even if you’re joking.  ‘You have to learn how to not get easily affect by words‘, they would say but people forget that words are the sharpest and deadliest weapons ever. Insecurities shouldn’t be thrown around like it’s a soft animal. They forget that the after-effect scars the person and you’ll be lucky if it only scars you a little. Some words can make deep cuts. That saying that goes ‘Be yourself’ but sometimes, you actually wonder to yourself ‘What if being yourself isn’t enough?’.

The next time you want to hate someone or joke about their insecurities, stop for a moment and think about what you’re doing to them because it is at 2 am where those words and actions will begin haunting that person. The least you can do is to be gentle because it doesn’t kill to be kind, honestly. The world itself is filled with pricks and misery. Suicide and depression rates are on the rise and I’m very sure you don’t want to see your child or your family fall apart. Big or small, every one is going through some kind of struggle of their own ; their own little hurdles.

So if you ask me how I can be so strong after everything ; Be strong for yourself and no one else because I am a living proof that things will be better. I’m not promising it’s going to be rainbows and sunshine and  truthfully, it is tiring. Being strong and not giving up are by far the most exhausting things to do. One second you’re standing strong and the next second someone comes shooting you to be back down. But never, ever forget that you’re a beautiful soul and I believe that you can make it through the darkest times whether it’s at 2 am or whether you’re drinking trying to numb the pain because it will be alright in the end. You have my word on that.”

– 2 am conversation with a friend.

 

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