4 am thoughts.

That’s the thing about love. At that moment to you it was real and genuine and when that moment is gone, you just find yourself lost. But this isn’t your first time and I guess, you have to breathe. Everyone’s going to tell you that it’s not worth it to miss him but they don’t know how you feel. You cling on to that moment because you were actually happy before everything fell apart. You told yourself that the person was right for you but now it’s just an ache. You were both confused and broken. The other person opened up old wounds and it stung really badly and you could feel the pain. It hurts and everything around you doesn’t seem to help at all. Sure ; you’ve got friends and family but only you’re the one who is feeling the pain.

Of course you’re going to him and everything around you is going to remind you about him. You still turn your head when you see a car similar to his, having that slight hope it’ll be him. That one particular song that you’ll always remember that once played in his car. The smell of his cologne. But I don’t blame you because he was part of your life ; even if that moment was brief. I’m sure there’s a little part in you that still hope it’ll be different and that’s the funny thing for you to still think he’s different. You hide at home because going out makes you think of him. You avoid all the places that you think he’ll be at. You keep thinking that you’re the common factor into why relationships never work out for you.

You don’t feel like eating because you’re not in the mood. You don’t sleep because nightmares and thoughts of him just haunt you. You thought you’re everything he wanted and that you were enough but you weren’t. You still check your phone in hopes that he’ll text you and you’re going to check every social networking site that he has to see if he ever misses you. All I know it’s only natural. You’re only human and this is how most of us deal with pain. And you’re alone in this.

Here’s a thing I’m going to tell you. You got this ; even if you’re alone. You know how to pick yourself back up. You know how to wash that bleeding wound and stitch it up. It’s going to sting and you’re going to find yourself crying. Blaming yourself is not going to bring him back to you.You’ll find yourself standing on the edge contemplating whether to take that step forward or not. You’re going to be mad at yourself and you wouldn’t know what to do anymore. You’ll feel like dying and all your monsters have awaken from their hibernation to still grab a pound of your flesh. There’s no best way to do this but I’m going to tell you that you’re worth loving. You’re a beautiful soul. So please, please, hang in there a little longer. I don’t know when but I swear, that it’ll get better.

“Hey that guy is looking at you. Do you two know each other?”

” *smiles sadly* Just somebody that I used to know. ”

Hey little girl you’re on top of the world
You’re all that I wanted to know
Never look back you’re much stronger than that
And nobody knows where to go
When they come to a fork in the road

The Latency – Fork In The Road

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