All You Wanted

8 : 00 pm.

You just broke down.

You closed the car door and just collapsed on the floor next to the car. Everything you were holding just fell with you. You hugged your knees and you just cry. You broke down hard and tears keep streaming down your face. You don’t know how long you were lying on the ground until through your blurred vision, you watched your best friend climbed over the gate ; calling out your name. He rushed over to picked you up from the ground and just held you in his arms while you cried.

1 : 30 am

You parked the car ; on the little hill where there was no one.

You folded your legs up as you sat there. You reminded yourself over and over in your head not to break down and cry. ‘Hold it together. Don’t cry,’ you repeated to yourself endlessly. Your thoughts wondered to all the things that happened for the last two weeks. Oh how you miss it all. The Fray – How To Save A Life playing softly in the car as you sat there. You opened the glove compartment and saw an empty bottle of Hugo Energise by Hugo Boss. You found an old Polaroid of you and your late best friends laughing. Slowly, tears stream down your face again.

You broke down.

3 : 30 am

You woke up in the car.

You hyperventilate because of the nightmare that woke you up. You breathe hard and you looked around just to remember you’re still parked on the little hill. All of a sudden, your hands cupped your ears shut and you cried hard. While you cried, you pleaded God. ‘Make it stop. Make the pain hurt less,’ you begged as you rocked yourself slowly.

You broke down…hard ; for the next two hours.

6 : 00 am

You drove back to the house.

You saw your friend sleeping on the garden swing ; waiting for you. You got down the car and he woke up. You dragged your feet.

“Hey,” he said with his arms opened.

You made your way to him. Your legs gave way and you collapsed in his arms. Breaking down again you cried with whatever energy you have left.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here,” your friend held you tightly.

8 : 00 am

You were told not to go to class.

You stood there holding your mouth ; trying not to cry.

“I’m fine. I’ll be okay,” you said shakily. Your friends let you get ready. You made your way to the bathroom. Underneath the shower head as the warm water beat on your back, you cried softly. You then walked to the mirror and stared at your reflection. You hands tried locating eye drops to make the swelling subside a little. 12 hours you’ve been breaking down and crying. You found your make up kit and applied the make up on trying to hide the obvious fact you barely slept.

You found your eye liner.  You slowly wrote ‘Don’t break down in public’ on your wrist. A gentle reminder to make sure you hold yourself together. You barely ate. Not last night’s dinner and not breakfast. Slowly, you climbed back into the car. You started the engine and you drove for class with Michelle Branch – All You Wanted playing in the background.

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