Have you ever?

Have you ever wake up in the morning and go to the mirror and just stare? Notice all your pimples, eye bags, messy hair and how your body can never satisfy you no matter what? Have you walked through everyday knowing happiness will never last and it is like a fucking battle? Every inch of the day you’re tired. When someone tells you how beautiful you are and then that person wants to be with you…all you do is stare and inside, you’re damn afraid. Afraid of trusting, of love and afraid of hurt. Have you ever have that fear of trusting someone because you’ve been hurt so many times before and you don’t know who to trust? Have you ever walked through a day where you put on a mask and just disguise yourself? Have you ever want to just scream or just wish someone out there would sit down with you and listen to you? Have you ever hope that someone would just walk up to you and give you a hug and tell you that everything is okay? Have you ever want to just give up but you’re still fighting because you still believe that there is still that tiny hope out there?

You don’t want to tell anyone anything because you know no one cares and even if they say they care, they’re just faking it. You turn around ; lost, afraid and alone and at some point you’re just better off alone because then, you’ll never get hurt. People don’t see your scars because they’re all hidden internally. All you do is bottle everything inside so you won’t get hurt. Almost everyday, you’re on the verge of breaking down and giving up. You just want to crawl under the blanket and break down into quiet sobs. Soon all those tears you cried built up into this wall where you barricade yourself within it’s premises so no one outside can ever hurt you. The things you bottled within you slowly eats you and there is this numbing feeling on your emotions where you don’t feel anymore. But what everyone else don’t know is that, within those walls, you’re blaming yourself everyday. You’re blaming yourself for other people’s mistakes and faults. Until it creates this hungry monster, waiting for you to surrender ; to give up.

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