The Start of 2018.

Ah, January.

A week into February, I’m still teaching myself about self love. After a long time, I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. I guess after what seems to be forever, I started loving myself a little more & accepted my flaws. I know I haven’t been blogging much. I’ve been trying to balance work and my social life. I am so thankful to have such supportive friends and family members. In January, I learned to say ‘No’ to people and started putting myself first. Here’s to that rare day in January when I told myself I am enough. And here’s to you, whoever you are. May the rest of 2018 be your year that you love yourself a little more too.


PS : I promise I will blog more! So stay tuned for more updates!


Mahalo 2017

Ah 2017 has been more than just 365 days for me. I’ve learned so many things. Needless to say, I’ve achieved all my 2017 resolutions this year and I’m proud of myself. It has been a journey. Yes, there were hurricane moments and times where I don’t even want to get out of bed. The moments where I would muster enough courage to not cry in public. Well, you know the rest of it as I’ve said it in my previous posts. But this year, I’ve learn something really valuable to me. I’ve come to muster the courage and strength to pull myself back up despite how hard it is. I’ve been abundantly blessed and beyond loved by people. I’ve met amazing people, whom I now call family.

I walked into 2017 having the slight fear of what it may be. I didn’t know whether to actually allow my heart to love again but slowly, I learned how to. It was definitely a different year for me as to compared to the previous years before. I’m truly grateful for it all. Each up and down I’ve experienced and dealt with this year has taught me so much. 2017, you weren’t too bad, I guess.

With that being said, I’m going to walk into 2018 with these 10 resolutions.

  1. “May the space between where I am and where I want to be inspire me” – Go chase your dreams ion the next 365 days.
  2. “Like wild flowers, you must allow yourself to grow in places people thought you never would.”More self growth, love and development.
  3. “Invest time in yourself. On improving yourself. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it means being uncomfortable.The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested — and your personal growth realized.” – Katie Couric- Read more, do more art and travel ~ push yourself.
  4. Look into your own heart, discover what it is that gives you pain… and then refuse, under any circumstance whatsoever, to inflict that pain on anybody else. – Karen Armstrong – Treat people like how you want to be treated and always, always be kind. Keep inspiring people.
  5. Throw out bad habits like eating unhealthily and exercise more.
  6. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
  7. Don’t you dare, not now and not ever, quit. – Keep thriving and striving.
  8. Before you sleep every night, forgive everyone who has harmed you and pray that everyone you might have harmed unintentionally, forgives you.
  9. Remember, you got this baby girl.
  10. Pray, and let god worry – Martin Luther King Jr.

They’re not much but at least these 10 are to me the bare minimum. I’ll figure out more on the way.

Mahalo, 2017. And aloha to 2018.


I’m pretty successful.”

Those are the words that I’ve never thought I would tell myself as my best friend took the picture above. We were watching the Garden Rhapsody which was a light and sound show at Gardens by The Bay, Singapore. I smiled watching the show thinking to myself, this is what life is. It is to be content, happy, grateful and thankful for everything that I have.

People measure success in monetary terms. As I grew up, I learned that if you’re truly happy, content and thankful for everything that you have, that itself is success. And if you’re passionate about something, there’s never a day in your life that you’ll ever be upset again. If you measure success in monetary value, someone is able to take that away from you. I learned to celebrate the little joys and to be grateful for the day. I’m still learning not to vicious to myself, like stop beating myself up too hard. I’d like to think that you’re rich when your heart is full of love and kindness. If you’re honestly happy, you shouldn’t care what people think or say about you.

I won’t lie and tell you that every day is perfect to me. There are days where I do find it difficult to go on but I tend to take a step back and be grateful for the day. Be happy of the little blessings ; be it for the weather or for the fact that your heart is beating strongly. I won’t admit that I’m always okay because it takes time for growth and I’m still growing ; mentally and emotionally. But I’ve come to learn to be proud of myself. And I’m so thankful for all the people that have always made my heart so full.

A little advice?

Do you. Be you. Be proud of who you are and how far you’ve come. Be kind and love wholeheartedly. Be thankful for what you have and be content. Always thrive and never give up. Always know that you got this.

Ka Ikaika

I once read a poem by Jorge Luis Borges called “You Learn”. The poem goes :

'After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…
And you learn and learn…
With every good-bye you learn.'

The line  ‘So you plan your garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers‘ is probably the one thing I’ve come to learn over the years as I grew up. I watched myself being torn apart and I tried my best to help my friends who has to deal with a struggle. I was questioned about my life goal and I simply responded by saying I want to see my friends and family happy. Truth to be told, nothing makes me happier than to see my loved ones being happy.

This is Daryl. We’ve been friends for quite a bit and we’ve share our horrible college & university days with each other. Just like my other friends, he too has his own war and battles to conquer. Seeing him being happy and content with life makes me so happy. I can’t say any of us share two of the same pain for each heart and soul are created differently. Everyone has struggles that we don’t speak of, and nights where we’re forced to face our demons that we don’t talk about. There are people who don’t make it out alive and they would do anything to stop the pain.

Strength isn’t only measured physically but mentally and emotionally. The strength to hoist yourself up and not give up, that to me is truly amazing. Watching Daryl picking himself up after what his heart has been through, it makes me proud. That’s the beauty of pain. Once you’ve come to accept and forgive, there’s a sense of peace you’ve built within yourself. We talk about heroes with superpowers and capes but the most courageous you could ever do is to forgive. And that to me is pretty damn heroic. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Good things will happen to good people when you’re patient enough.

I destroyed loving someone once. It ate me up and I could feel my soul crumbling within me. I could feel the physical ache my heart bared for the longest time I can ever remember. After losing that person, I found myself. I taught myself to never be sad over the loss of a relationship (be it a friend or a lover) if self-improvement is the lover that I’m left in bed with. I taught myself to mend the broken pieces and I taught myself to love wholeheartedly again. I taught myself to be fearless and that it was okay to have emotions for I am only human.

Here’s to you, dear reader, wherever you are. If you feel like you can’t get through your day, just know that you’re never alone. Yes it is tough and it will only get tougher but hang in there, soldier. Believe me when I tell you that you were born with so much strength. Do it for yourself for you really are worth the fight.

23 ; A Year Older.

I followed an artist on Instagram and when he posted this, I suddenly felt what he was going through when he turned 23 as well. Over the weekend, I turned 23 and I couldn’t help but to reflect on how far I’ve come. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly blessed to have been surrounded with amazing people who showered me with so much love. My heart is filled with so much blessings and love ; no words could describe how overwhelmed I felt.

I have to admit that if you were ask 21-year-old me, I would have told you that I’ll never be able to make it this far. When I was 21, my heart was somewhat hollow. It was pumping blood, but it wasn’t really capable of loving. I would also have told you that my soul was terrible damaged where I didn’t know how to fix myself. I flew to different places where I would have little breakdowns at empty train stations/beaches/airports or would sit in a cathedral/church silently saying “God, I don’t know what to do anymore.” Long story short, my close friends and family could see how much I was going through and in my own ways, I managed to mend myself back together. Unskillfully, of course. I’m still not fully put together but I’m still learning. I still have yet to master the art of forgiveness and love. I must say, along the way I’ve mustered enough courage and strength to mentally tell myself :

“It’s okay, Win. At the count of 3, time to hoist yourself back up, sew the wounds and be a soldier. It’s you and I, baby girl. You got this.”

I admit that half of the time, it was (still is) tough believing in myself due to the level of insecurity and uncertainty. This year turning 23, I patted the left side of my chest where my heart is underneath and celebrated a little victory for pulling through. I’ve been reminded how blessed and loved I am. In the past 12 months, I’ve let go of people & things that don’t matter to me anymore, met great people and surrounded myself with people that mean the world to me. It’s been a rollercoaster ride and I’m still learning. So I guess, it’s not too bad, huh? 🙂

PS : Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who took the time to wish me (be it in person, over the phone, text etc.) Thank you for all the singing, cake, laughter, fun, hugs & gift. Thank you for showering me so much love and I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you. You mean the world to me. Thank you 


Warm Strawberries & Silent Prayers

The picture above was taken after being on the bus for almost an hour only to realised that I didn't get off at the right stop and I got off the wrong bus stop, walked 30 minutes until I decide to wait at another bus stop. Then I got on another bus, got off the right stop, walked for another 40 minutes and I finally reached the beach. Basically, I got lost in another country and my phone didn't have enough data to check anything. 


I was looking through all the pictures (polaroids, printed photos & the digital ones) and for every piece of memory that comes with them, I'm thankful. 2017 has taught so much about love in any kind of relationship ; even the relationship with myself. People have been asking how do I do it ; how am I still whole after watching me fall and tear myself apart. So here's what I wrote in my travel journal while I watched the waves gently hug the shore while I bury my toes in the warm loose sand, eating that box of strawberries : –

"Note to self :

You're at a tender age where life is viciously harsh. Some scars that are within you still sting from time to time. Some scars are sewn shut by your horrible sewing skills that makes them look uneven and jagged. But let me tell you that it is okay. Your best friends and family may not have seen you entirely at your worst where you know your healing mechanism somehow is so broken and you don't know how to fix yourself anymore.

There comes a night where your soul falls apart and you can feel yourself crumbling. It is going to be the toughest night you have to survive through. Everything within you feels hollow ; empty. Your hands are going to tremble because you're terrified. Your insecurities have all awaken and have began tearing you apart ; eating you alive.  You're then forced to face your inner monster with nothing but your stripped down, worn out self. You will break down until your throat feels tight and you're gasping for air. You're both equally exhausted and in so much pain. You're just sitting there waiting for dawn, clinging onto the mere hope that it'll be less horrifying. Yes, you are going be so desperate to stop the pain you're feeling and you'll do anything to divert the pain. But please, please hang in there with me for a while more.

There comes a day where the sky is at its best blue and you'll feel yourself shattering in public. You'll bite your lower lip to stop your eyes from forming tears, trying your hardest not to break down in public. Your fingers will be cold and you'll put them in the pockets of your best jeans while masking the obvious fact you're on the verge of crying. Pieces of your heart and soul will begin chipping apart and this is where you're going to pick it all up by yourself. You're going to try to mend yourself in a failing attempt to do so. Tears will stream down your face ; leaving stains on your cheeks and you're going want to stop breathing because the struggle is too painful. But please, please bare with me a little longer.

Don't give up. It's never the time to give up. Of course, it is easier said than done because who's to say what and how you should feel or not. I don't know what you're going through neither do I understand the pain you're feeling. But all I know is that if you're hurting, just take your time for it is okay. The world is already rough and it can be unkind. The last thing that heart of yours need is for you to be wicked it. The heart, the one that took 9 months for your mother to form and grow in her, is meant to love ; especially your entire well-being. You have to trust and believe in it. Just don't give up for you were born to discover places, create your amazing version of art and build your little path. You're going to stumble and fall but please be gentle. You need to know that you really are something and enough. You are loved by someone ; be it a family, a pet or friend. You've come a long way ; went to hell and back. So believe me when I say you really are strong enough to keep going. You got this, warrior.

With much love"

If you're thinking that I have got it all under control, some days I don't but I do take time off to reflect on my life. I've lost people ; friends and family. I've gotten my heart so broken to the point I could physically feel the pain.  Sitting on that warm sand in the picture, I had my passport, on my lap, that held immigration stamps which was the sole proof that I've went out, explored, and conquered. I learned so much ; so many things that I can't possibly type out in one post. But if it's one thing that I learned is you are never alone in this and you're worth the fight 


All visuals and words belong to Win W.™ unless stated otherwise.