2018.

“It’s time to let you go”.

2018, you haven’t been the easiest or happiest but you have taught me. I struggled real hard trying to make it out alive. There were days you broke me. There were nights, I fell apart on the bathroom floor and a night that my hands shook as I pleaded my best friend for help, while tears streamed down my face because a part of me was in so much pain.

I would like to think I am one of the lucky ones who made it out of your hurricanes, for some never made it out alive. I learned. I taught myself to love fearlessly again ; despite knowing I would get injured. I accepted the fact that I can’t keep what I want and that I have to let go even if it hurts badly. All the confusion, anger, frustration and pain ; I forgive you.

Through your storms, I still found myself ; in happy moments with people who love me, in empty galleries, in orchestras and theatres I went to alone, in books, in my work, in my art and in quiet museums. You managed to make me feel glad to be alive. You did make a few things better. 2018, you brought a lot of blessings.

I don’t know what to expect in 2019. I don’t know if it’ll be better or worse, but all I know is that I’m ready. I’ve survived the worst and I can only hope that it’s going to be a great one.

Win W., Chapter 2018

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It is time to feel butterflies in your stomach and to feel your heart get excited. It is time to forgive yourself and allow yourself to love whole heartedly once again. Believe me when I say there is a love out there that will make you feel like home. The kind of love that will welcome you with open arms after a rough day. The kind of love that will wrap its comforting arms around you after an exhausting, sleepless night. The kind of love that you won’t have to fight for but given to freely to you, in the way you deserve.

Dearly beloved, it is time ; time to love again.

 

 

Win W., Love Again.

Siem Reap, Cambodia

It started off with me throwing a mere suggestion to Shu Li, who sat opposite of me in the office, about how we should travel to a country in South East Asia that we have never been. Of course we have a cheap budget in mind and we decided that we should go to Cambodia. The idea was then escalated to Zhe Yong and there we were for 5 days in Siem Reap.

Day 1 : Arrival and we visited Tonlé Sap lake (the largest freshwater lake in South East Asia) and had a trip to the local market.

Day 2 : We spent 11 hours in Angkor Archaeological Park. We’ve climbed almost every temple (which we’re allowed to climb) and probably visit every site in the park. This includes, Angkor Thom, Angkor Wat, Terrace of the Elephants, Terrace of the Leper King, Baksei Chamkrong, Banteay Kdei, Banteay Samré, Banteay Srei, Baphuon, the Bayon, Chau Say Tevoda, East Baray, East Mebon, Kbal Spean, the Khleangs, Krol Ko, Lolei, Neak Pean, Phimeanakas, Phnom Bakheng, Phnom Krom, Prasat Ak Yum, Prasat Kravan, Preah Khan, Preah Ko, Preah Palilay, Preah Pithu, Pre Rup, Spean Thma, Srah Srang, Ta Nei, Ta Prohm, Ta Som, Ta Keo, Thommanon, West Baray,  and West Mebon. (Note : Trust me, we didn’t know which site was what. We were just walking and and looking at the ruins and made sure we got back to our tuk tuk driver). After 11 hours, we pretty much celebrated with Happy Pizza which was really glorious.

Day 3 : It rained the entire day so we spent half of the day sleeping in. After that, we went for massages and shopped too. We ended the day by going to the circus.

Day 4 : We visit the killing fields and the war museum. Learned about the rich history of Cambodia.

Day 5 : We bid Siem Reap goodbye.

All in all, I must say, traveling with people who matters the most is really important. They will make you laugh and super adventurous. For me, the entire Angkor Archaeological Park was really beautiful. Even when they were in ruins, I was right out of our history books. My jaw dropped when I learned Cambodians once carved so many details on the stone walls. It was really beautiful.

I apologise in advance that I couldn’t upload all the pictures as there were too many but I picked these instead. So here’s a little tiled mosaic visual diary through all of our cameras’ lenses of Siem Reap.

More blog posts to come but for now : –

 

 

 

 

All visuals and words belong to Win W.™ unless stated otherwise.

Love your legs not only for their size but for the distance they have walked and despite how much you did not want to go on, your legs still lifted you up. Love your shoulders not only for the shape they give you but for how much heaviness they have carried. Love that fragile heart of yours that not only have it been pumping life to your body but have bravely weather through storms. Be in awe of your form for what it is, for what it has become, where it gets you and for what it allows you to do and feel.

Do not apologise for the body you wear. Instead, wear it proudly.

 

Win W., Your Vessel.

To the people who held me up when my entire being gave out and I fell to the ground, thank you. Thank you for being my extra pair of legs when mine no longer found the strength to go on. For letting me lean on your strength when I’m convinced that I no longer could go on. Thank you for always being there to lift me up.

To the people who told me it is alright to feel because it makes me human, thank you. Thank you for understanding my little fragile and sensitive heart and never once told me that it has to toughen. You still let me love openly and fearlessly.

Even on my messiest days, you still care.

To the people who held me when my voice was breaking, thank you. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for letting me to be myself. Thank you for constantly reminding me I am loved. Thank you for loving me for who I am and never expecting anything in return. You have seen me in my most troubled and darkest moments. And yet, you still tell me I am worth it.

To the people who stood by me and who love me even when I was unlovable, thank you. Thank you for showing me the meaning of friendship. Thank you for not giving up on me when I wanted to.

And I love you for that.

 

Win W.,
The Girl Who Was Too Busy Saving Everyone Else Needs Saving Too.

Journal entry : handwritten, Montblanc Meisterstück Fountain Pen – black ink.

It is no longer about wishing and wanting ‘karma to get you back’ for what you did to me. It is about hoping that you finally find a home in someone’s heart. The kind of love you did not and could not find with me because that is what led you to do what you did. It is about praying for your wellbeing and your happiness.

But the most important thing is that, it is about knowing that my heart, despite what you had put it through, has finally found the love that makes it warm again. It is about allowing my heart to forgive and knowing that I am capable of loving again.

 

Win W.