To the people who held me up when my entire being gave out and I fell to the ground, thank you. Thank you for being my extra pair of legs when mine no longer found the strength to go on. For letting me lean on your strength when I’m convinced that I no longer could go on. Thank you for always being there to lift me up.

To the people who told me it is alright to feel because it makes me human, thank you. Thank you for understanding my little fragile and sensitive heart and never once told me that it has to toughen. You still let me love openly and fearlessly.

Even on my messiest days, you still care.

To the people who held me when my voice was breaking, thank you. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for letting me to be myself. Thank you for constantly reminding me I am loved. Thank you for loving me for who I am and never expecting anything in return. You have seen me in my most troubled and darkest moments. And yet, you still tell me I am worth it.

To the people who stood by me and who love me even when I was not unlovable, thank you. Thank you for showing me the meaning of friendship. Thank you for not giving up on me when I wanted to.

And I love you for that.

 

Win W.,
The Girl Who Was Too Busy Saving Everyone Else Needs Saving Too.

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Journal entry : handwritten, Montblanc Meisterstück Fountain Pen – black ink.

It is no longer about wishing and wanting ‘karma to get you back’ for what you did to me. It is about hoping that you finally find a home in someone’s heart. The kind of love you did not and could not find with me because that is what led you to do what you did. It is about praying for your wellbeing and your happiness.

But the most important thing is that, it is about knowing that my heart, despite what you had put it through, has finally found the love that makes it warm again. It is about allowing my heart to forgive and knowing that I am capable of loving again.

 

Win W.

There comes a night where your soul falls apart and you can feel yourself crumbling. It is going to be the toughest night you have to survive through. Everything within you feels hollow ; empty. Your hands are going to tremble because you’re terrified. Your insecurities have all awaken and have began tearing you apart ; eating you alive.  You’re then forced to face your inner monster with nothing but your stripped down, worn out self. You will break down until your throat feels tight and you are gasping for air. You are both equally exhausted and in so much pain. So you are just sitting there waiting for dawn, clinging onto the mere hope that it will be less horrifying.

And you are going be so desperate to stop the pain you are feeling that you will do anything to divert the pain.

There comes a day where the sky is at its best blue and you’ll feel yourself shattering in public. You’ll bite your lower lip to stop your eyes from forming tears, trying your hardest not to break down in public. Your fingers will be cold and you’ll put them in the pockets of your best jeans while masking the obvious fact you’re on the verge of crying.

And tears will stream down your face ; leaving stains on your cheeks and you’re going want to stop breathing because the struggle is too painful.

But let me tell you that it is okay. I may not know what you are going through neither do I understand the pain you are feeling. Just take all the time that you need to heal. The world is already rough and it can be unkind. The last thing that heart of yours need is you to be viciously harsh to it.

 

 

Win W.

Self-Love

And what seems to be forever of trying to figure out what self-love meant, you only find it on a cold rainy June night that accompanied with the rumbling of thunder. You ran your hands through your hair as you looked at your reflection in the mirror. And it finally made sense.

It was you all along.

It was you who wiped your own tears and held your head high. It was you who held your own hand and picked up all your broken pieces. It was you who patted that fragile heart of yours and taught it how to love again. It was you who hugged yourself to sleep when the arms of lost lovers were no longer there. It was you who held yourself when you were crying and falling apart. It was you who picked yourself back up after every fall. It was you who taught yourself how to mend and to heal.

It is this realisation that allowed you to smile gently in a way that told you it would all be okay. That no matter who hurt you, you would always find a way to heal again. That no matter how much love you have lost, you would always find a way to love again too. And that you would always be there for yourself.

That is when you learned what self-love really meant.

And it was always going to be you in the end.

Win W.

Melacca, ’18 Ver.

What I have been doing lately, besides publishing my pictures on VSCO, is just taking random pictures of places I have been. It is nothing much but after coming back from Melbourne, I told myself that I will make more visual diaries and not just endless of words to keep my readers entertained.

So here’s a little tiled mosaic visual diary through my camera’s lense of Melacca.

More blog posts to come but for now : –

Hometown Memories : Ipoh, ’18 Ver.

Growing in Ipoh for 6 years, I never fail to come back here every year. There is the familiar childhood nostalgia. Of course now, in Ipoh, there is just too many people crowding at most famous food stores, cafes and tourist sights.

Over the years, Ipoh has become a heritage sight of Malaysia and I am proud to be able to be raised by my grandparents with a lot of Chinese traditions. Coming back to Ipoh, the irresistible bowl of simple, yet very comforting, warm shredded chicken kuey teow soup that brings back childhood memories. I remember holding my great grandmother’s hand and watching her enjoying food of this part of the country.

I guess you can say that being Malaysian, I have a lot of things to be proud of. It is the food that brings us Malaysians together and the culture too. More blog posts to come but for now : –

I have made a little tiled mosaic visual diary of the highlights of my trip.

All visuals and words belong to Win W.™ unless stated otherwise.